What do you see when you think of God?

A piece of blank white paper, nothing came to mind. Well I shouldn't say nothing came to mind, I thought of Jesus, long dready dark hair, white robe, beard, standing with a staff haha, that was my first thought. 1- I couldn't draw that, a talent I wish I had but I don't (awesome drawing skills) 2- I felt like it should be more personal than just drawing a man standing there. I sat with my blank piece of paper, slightly annoyed, because the activity reminded me of something that would be done in treatment.

Treatment=Blank piece of paper 'Draw your feelings guys! Don't hold back!' and everyone draws black and red holes of how terrible their lives have been. Ha, maybe it was just me but it's how I felt when asked to do this activity, but with totally different subjects and motives, Praise Jesus.

I finally grabbed the pink, orange, and yellow colored pencils. And drew God as I saw fit. My outcome was a sunset of pink, orange, and yellow. Heaven. When we were asked to define our drawing I just said, well when I think of God I think of these colors, and as weird as it sounds I feel these colors as well.

'Why do you think of these colors?'

I sat and remembered my first encounter with heaven, and God for that matter. Taylor. When my good friend Taylor died, her favorite color was pink so every time I saw a pink sunset or sky I thought of her and that was her in heaven. Doing this project things got broughten up, feelings that I hadn't felt in a long time came about, and I cried for the first time in a while about Taylor. I cry heaps because I am an emotional person of course! But I usually don't cry about her anymore. It felt good.

God is currently working on this area in my life, it hurts, but is good. It's crazy how He will bring up things from the past, both hurtful and joyful, to work through something that is currently happening in your life, if that makes sense?

This past week was one of my harder weeks, but again God is working on me. It hurts, He's stretching, and molding so it's expected to hurt, right? The cool thing is God doesn't stop, He doesn't stop stretching and molding. As much as it does hurt and suck sometimes, it's always worth it. Miss you all at home, blessings xoxo

To be in Roch..

To be in Roch right now would be awesome right now. I'm missing my friends and family terrrrribly. Especially my mum on this great day called Mother's Day! Today was just one of those rough days. I miss home, and would love to be there right now. Good thing I'm getting a double wammie talking with my wonderful mother, and my wonderful friend, Tori Utley. I am very thankful that Tori is a computer junkie (sorry Tor) because she seems to be on quite often, and always raises me up, or reminds me of what is waiting for me at home! I love it.

But there are just somedays where I would love to be laying in bed with my cat, picking my mum up for her lunch break, sitting at my good friend's the Ewing's on the kitchen floor reminissing with my dear friends, or just sitting in my car windows down heading to the unknown. Stop feeling sorry for yourself Josie, that's what I usually try telling myself, this is a great experience and God is doing amazing things, He already has.

I sit in awe and amazement at what He has already done in my life so far here in Perth. And it's a crazy, semi scary, exciting feeling to think of what else He's doing to do in the next few months. That's what I need to keep reminding myself when I have crap days like today. It's also great to know that I have people back home praying for me :) and just knowing that they are back home, and when I go home, whenever that might be-they will be there. Missing you all, Love xo

P.S.-Could of shout outs that are on my heart, because they mean so much to me!

Mum: Happy Mother's Day mum, I miss you so much. You mean the world to me, I don't know what I would do without you. My cup runneth over, always... xo

Tori Lynn Utley-What the heck would I do without you?

My Boys- You know who you are, wow can you imagine what kind of trouble we would be getting into this summer? GET IT OUTTA HERE! Praying that WIT blows places out of the water, remember to sing it out...sing it out loud.

My family-Missing you all so much, family is foreverrr. Something that I have realized 10x while here in Perth. Thank you all for your support.

Everyone that I looove back in MN- Blessings and love to you all. XO

Carrot, spinach, banana, and OJ smoothie

Just delighted myself in a delish smoothie! So so good

Back to another week of lectures-this week's topic=Spiritual Warfare. More about that later this week, it's only Tuesday! The weekend was nice :) Saturday a group of people went into the city and shopped in the outlet centre, where I found a few great deals- always my thing! It was a pretty chill Saturday. Sunday a big group of us went out to City Beach for a buddy's birthday. The weather was amaze, and the ocean was even more amazing! Aqua and teal water...can't beat it. The waves were quite rough though, I still feel sore from getting bashed around, all in all it was a beautiful day :) And not to mention, I actually got some color!

But like I said it's a Tuesday afternoon, just got home from a time of prayer. It's not too exciting of a day, kinda been an off day but they are expected here and there. About to head to work duties soon, decorating birthday tables is what I seem to do best :) Tonight=coffee shop time for some fellowship, always nice and relaxing. Just wanted to do a quick little update on the weekend is all-Miss you everyone xoxo

Intercession & Worship

What a wonderful week it has been! This week in lectures we have been learning about intercession and worship. We were blessed with an amazing speaker, Cora Dawson. I was impacted by her teachings, and presence. She is a true woman of God, so amazing!

Intercession- I wasn't quite sure what it really meant at first. This past week I was taught what TRUE intercession is. Finding your quiet place with God, letting Him come and speak to you in any way He wants to, whither it's with a picture, vision, scripture, or His voice. This can happen during worship as well.

Most of us knew what it was to worship God. Stand there, shout praises, sing beautiful songs that were written about His glory, lifting our hands to Him, and feeling the presence of the Holy Spirit. Yes, worship is all of that, but a key thing I learned this week is that when you begin to worship the Lord, you need your whole being in it. Your heart, soul, spirit needs to be engaged, and then your body. Your whole being, you know? I never looked at worship in that way. After a couple of days of these teachings about what TRUE worship was about, getting your whole being intact I really tried to go into class worship time yesterday with that mentality, and boy did I have an amazing time during worship and connecting with the Lord! He gave me visions, and prayers that I shouted out to Him that I knew He heard and that I trust He will start working in the prayers I spoke. I am so thankful for this week's teachings, because it's really showed me different and more impactful ways to reach the Lord. And it excites me because I know it excites Him as well!

It's been an amazing week, from last week's repentance and forgiveness I've just had a complete turn around. It's a great feeling, He made me clean and white as snow. I am jumping around with nothing but a smile on my face because He is making Himself to present and known in my life right now, and I trust in so many different ways that He will continue to do so, even during the nights that I miss my family and friends at home. I've noticed that nights are the hardest here, when the night starts to wind down I sometimes just wish that I was in my own bed at home, cuddling with my Seymore :) and having my mom walk in and say, 'What do you work tomorrow?' Haha, or my step dad yelling, 'You didn't wash your dishes!'. During those times I just cuddle to my quilt and give praise to the Lord for my family, the day, and just ask for comfort and strength.

The weekend is almost here, and like I've said before I love weekends in Perth. Nice and relaxing. This weekend some of my friends and I are going to a great outlet place, and Sunday I'm going to a church I haven't been to before.

Keep the prayers comin! They are working!! The Lord is sooo good! Remember that, that He is good.

There is NO evil in Him!

Amen to that ;) Love and miss you all xoxo

Quick prayer request:

-Europe

-My team

-Visions, dreams, hearing His voice (more of it!!)

-Financial outreach needs

-Family and friends

Keepin it simple, but the impact of prayer is never simple! It's always huuuuuge.

Empty

I've been wiped out, cleaned, purified, forgiven, and made empty. Empty is usually not a pleasant way to describe yourself, or your heart.

emp.ty-[emp-tee] , adjective, noun, plural,

--adjective

1. Containing nothing; having none of the usual or appropreite contents: an empty bottle

2. Vacant; unoccupied: An empty house

3. Without cargo or load: An empty wagon

This past week our lecture topic was repentance and forgiveness. It was an intense week, defiantly emotionally draining, and eye opening. During notes we were given a list of all the different sins set in different categories- the list seemed endless. Anything from disrespecting your parents, anger/rage, drug/alcohol abuse, horoscopes, selfishness, pornography, like I said the list is endless. After being given this list we were asked to make a list ourselves of all the sin that we have committed on the list, to repent for, vocally, to the class but most of all to God. We were also asked to make a list if people that had ever hurt you in your life and simply say I forgive _____ for ____. At first I was very annoyed by the idea, Why does my past need to be brought en up? Is this really necessary? But little did I know, my past was still my present. As I sat down the night before we were to share with the class, I began my 'pen vomit', everything was spilled on to this piece of paper, which turned into pieces of paper. My repentance and forgiveness list is what seemed to be endless. I questioned throughout the day and night if I was really going to get up and share. The last one to go, I got up there, bawled my eyes out, repented, and forgave. After, burned all the papers.

And Let It Go.

A part of me was scared to let go of all the papers because it was apart of me for so long, it's what I knew, and even if it was baggage I was willing to hold onto it because it was mine. It's not mine anymore, it's the Lord's. It's been a couple days since our repentance and forgiveness day, and like I said I feel empty. A good kind of empty. I am forgiven for all my sins, and I've forgiven. It's an amazing feeling, and I know God is ready to FILL me up with His love, compassion, heart, likes, feelings, and I'm so excited. I wish all of you at home could have been here with me during this last week! I encourage you all to sit down and make your own list of past sins that you've never repented for, and people that you need to forgive. Say them out loud, repent, and forgive. And burn. You'll feel the emptiness, but that good kind of emptiness. Miss you all xoxo

'When Christ came in, that feeling He gives you the gift of understanding life. Which is everything is created for Christ and by Him and we are created to be with Him. It's the most incredible feeling because you are where you belong and contentment is given to you in life because you don't have to look anywhere else, and you're exactly where you need to be, and the question about life is answered.'

-B.H.W.

John 3:16

New week in Perth. New lecture topic- Repentance and forgiveness. I've heard from other YWAMers, and staff that this third week, and this topic is the most difficult, intense, and uncomfortable topic to hear about and to put in effect. I reckon it will be a week full of hurt, yet break through. It's only Tuesday, but I can already tell it will be an interesting week. We've been talking a lot about sin, and how much it not only effects ourselves, those around us, but most importantly Jesus. In last night's lecture I got a grasp of how much pain we put our Father in when we sin, big or small. I've only felt overwhelmed, and thought about God's pain in a real way once, and it was when I watched The Passion of Christ. I remember sitting there being in shock, thinking how in the world would, or could someone take on that much physical pain.

In last night's lecture we were told a story to try and get our heads wrapped around the idea--

There was a family, a mom, dad, little boy, about 5 years old. One day the mother told the young boy that they were going to the grandparent's house. The little boy was excited, like most children who know they are going to see their grandparents. The father placed them on the bus and sent them off. You'll probably agree, but young kids know when something is wrong, their little spirits can tell if a person is happy, sad, or angry just by standing next to a person. The young boy could tell something was wrong with his mother. He reckoned it was because they had just said goodbye to his father. The young boy said to his mom, 'It's okay mama, daddy will meet with us soon.' It was then did the little boy's mom break down, and told the young boy, that they wouldn't be seeing daddy anytime soon because daddy found a new family. Abandonment & Rejection-pain.

In later years the boy had problems with his feet, he had cleft feet. When he was 8 years old he had severe surgery to try and fix his cleft feet, which left him with metal spikes/stilts. After surgery, the boy woke up, slightly confused where he was, didn't know what was going on. He was thirsty. Without knowing what were in his feet he got out of the bed and slid off the bed to walk to get a glass of water. The spikes/stilts were pushed into his freshly surgical feet.

Wounded & Scarred-pain.

We all winced at the story, but I know my heart winced when we were asked, 'Sure, the boy had never felt so much physical pain before in his life, but which pain do you reckon he would have rather endured over and over again?'

I don't think we could ever fathom the kind of physical pain Jesus went through during the crucifixion, which left Him wounded and scarred. Better yet, I don't think we fathom the kind of pain which leaves Him feeling rejected and abandoned, which He endures when we stray away from Him, when we chose the world over Him, when we turn our backs on Him, and when we sin.

Ask yourself, which pain do you think He would rather endure over and over again?

Weekends feel good in Perth

I haven't been so happy for the weekend to be here since I was in like year 11, ha! It was a long draining week here in Perth. Since Monday I had learned of two more deaths back home. I was more in shock that in three days I can get three different pieces of crap from back home. At the beginning of the week I felt attacked emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. I just wanted to be at home with my friends and family. And a couple of times really asking God, 'Should I be here? Should I leave? Why am I here?' I should have known better, because of course, like He always does, He shows up in the midst of it all, even when you are refusing it and/or not wanting it.

Thursday night, after another long, draining day, like every Thursday night the whole base went to the suburb of Marabooka. Marabooka is a slum type suburb, where a lot of refugees live, and isn't the best area in Perth. Here is a pic of a BEAUTIFUL Marabooka baby's bottom :)

As a base, we've been praying for the area, and trusting God for miracles, salvations, and just light over the whole area. So on Thursday we all packed in the base vans and headed to the area we usually do worship out in the open, but because of the rain we were forced to do evangalism in the vans! Yes, it's possible :) We drove around in our vans and drove throughout the city, and tried our best not to look sketch as, Ha! It was very hard to concentrate and pray on the van, and I thought that I was going to get nothing out of the experience, than just silently praying for the area to myself. BUUUUT, of course God had a different plan.

During what I call 'popcorn prayer', I felt the Lord place Isaiah 51 on my heart. I was super confused and taken off guard, I just kept seeing Isaiah 51 over and over in my head. I had never read the chapter in my life, and it had no meaning to me! I asked around the bus for a bible, since I didn't bring mine (mine is the size of America, I swear. I need a little purse size one) and borrowed a friend's. I opened up to Isaiah 51. And sure enough there in verses 1-8, were all the hopes, prayers, and words the Lord wants all of the people of Marabooka to know and rely on! I couldn't believe it. The Lord had just spoke my first direct bible verse to me. I read it out loud to the bus, and with tears I was in awe of how intense and present He is. It was an amazing feeling, that I hope and pray the Lord blesses with me again.

But like I said boy do weekends feel good here in Perth. It's been a relaxing Saturday. I went to an airplane show down in the city on the beach, and made brunch with fellow YWAMers. Now off to dinner....fish and chips. Yes, I eat fish now. :) Miss you all. xo